The Fyre Festival of #TailgateFails
As the anticlimactic events of last night’s Super Bowl LIII bring to an end the 99th year of NFL Football, it seemed the appropriate time to look back upon the season as a whole—the highs, the lows… But mostly, what most caught our eye was…the #epicfails of tailgating we saw this year. We toyed with calling this #FailgateFriday…but the truth is, what you’ll find below made us chuckle so hard, we didn’t want to wait to post this until Friday. As we saw with the notoriously botched Fyre Festival, tailgating can go sideways very quickly. So we thought we’d take the opportunity to not just point a finger and laugh, but to use this as a chance to be constructive so that come NASCAR season, college football spring games, or whenever you’re tailgating next, you’ll have some helpful tips that will keep you from having to resort to full-on fraud to remedy tailgating fails….or to avoid them full stop. So sit back and enjoy what you didn’t get yourself into this time, while laughing at others’ folly.
tailgate FAIL #5 - Agressive Pregame Showboating
We think it’s safe to say that this Clemson fan was a bit too eager to show off his team pride. In a wedding dance circle of sorts, some of us can get just a bit too excited and tear something. This particular pregame fail may have well resulted in facial reconstructive surgery. Seriously ouch. Sometimes the floor can come at you like Urlacher, so keep your head on a swivel.
Don’t let vodka tell you that you can dance.
Practice, practice, practice.
Sometimes it’s good to wear a helmet off the field too.
If a crowd of people are yelling at you to do something, it’s probably not a good thing.
tailgate FAIL #4 - Improvised Games
At least the first guy in the video had a helmet on this time. After our post-game analysis, we believe they were trying to execute the nearly impossible 7-10 split. Looks like at least two were badly maimed in the process, and slippery #11 was sent laughing all the way home. So what can we learn from this?
Cornhole is a totally respectable tailgating game. Just stick to that.
Games involving grocery carts and hills should be avoided at all costs.
Time of fall = distance x terrain-complexity-factor / speed (Source)
Should everyone just start wearing helmets?
tailgate FAIL #3 - Check the Game day Weather Forecast
Torrential downpours and barbecue do not mix. Whether or not you are a professional tailgater or this is your first time, a rainy tailgate will leave your food wet and cold and your guests second-guessing why they are even friends with you. With all the weather apps that exist, including the ones that are already pre-programmed on your phone, you’ve really got no excuses. The weather report is your friend, ok?
Umbrellas over the grill don’t work.
No one likes being wet.
Check the weather forecast before game day and game day morning.
It gets worse if its freezing rain and hailing.
tailgate FAIL #2 - Parking Lot Pool Parties
Leave it to Texas to go big. Nonetheless, no one needs to set up a pool in a parking lot for fifty of their closest friends to jump in. It seems like a good idea until the first drunk guy pees, and the second drunk guy pushes the maxed out edge of the makeshift pool and then this happens... At least the third drunk guy looks like he got out unscathed.
Not to be repetitive, but if everyone says its a good idea, it’s usually not.
Make sure you have a good liability policy.
Beware of people in cowboy hats.
tailgate FAIL #1 - Absolutely No Fighting
“Be Nice or Leave” is a good, fundamental mantra to use when tailgating or when at a stadium. We all love some good back and forth, game day banter, but the second it takes a turn, it can get ugly fast. So be the bigger person and be nice. Side-note: cowboy boots can do some serious damage.
Don’t fight. It’s not only uncool, but it ruins everyone’s time.
If you decide to fight, make sure it isn’t against a whole group of people. It’s a definite L.
Beer muscles are not actual muscles.
Crowd diving is usually a bad call.
MORAL OF THE STORY
It’s literally the best feeling in the world throw an amazing tailgate your friends and family.
Make sure to plan everything out accordingly and in advance: food, weather, terrain.
A lot of team spirit served with a little bit of flair is always a good call.
Bring extra napkins and trash bags.
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